The OC
by ESP
Summary: Ever find yourself dumbstruck by the MarySues and bad OCs in the Harry Potter Fandom? Don't worry, it's Mary Sue herself, here to sort you out! She introduces us to all the OCs, one by one. [This is Harriet, Harry's twin sister. She's here ALL the time.]


The OC

Note: For those of you (newbs) who don't know, an OC is an Original Character. That is, a character made up entirely by the author of the Fanfiction, and who is in no way a part of the canon. (Reality written by the actual author, J.K. Rowling)

A long haired blonde girl with wide, blue eyes and perfect skin bounds up, winking and flashing her abundant cleavage. "Hi everyone! My name is Mary Sue and welcome to the OC!" She giggles. "I'm perfect, good at everything, mild-mannered but also very determined! Sometimes I have cool names like Zorcia or Sycanthe. Oh yeah, and I'm usually and exchange student from America." She nibbles her thumb adorably and prances away. "Follow me." She gestures seductively.

"Let me introduce you to some of my relatives. This here is my boyfriend Out-Of-Character Harry. He looks the same as the character Harry Potter, but he's not." A black-haired boy jerks his chin forward aggressively by way of greeting. Mary gives him a quick pat on the head, heading to a pink-haired girl in Ravenclaw robes.

"This here is Spunky. She doesn't have a love interest, but she's usually the best friend of the heroine. Also, she is usually black." Spunky smiles widely and waves. "Hey Ginny!" She calls in the other direction. Ginny waves back enthusiastically. "Thanks for the makeover!"

"Ooh!" Mary squeals, bouncing over to a boy who looks startlingly similar to her, in a very perfect, pretty-boy way. "This is my brother, Gary Stu. He's also perfect, but he doesn't come around here much." She pouts cutely, hugging Gary a moment before moving through the grounds to a bitter-looking yet attractive boy.

"This is Evil Slytherin. He likes to change names, but he's still the same kid: good-looking, clever, seductive, rich and kinda like Draco. Except when he's not. You know. He can be big, dumb and ugly too. Like an extra Goyle. He's only around when Draco's the protagonist." She shudders slightly, and then beams again upon catching sight of an adult woman across a flower patch.

"This is Ms. New Teacher. She teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts, and sometimes ends up as a love interest. She's a very cool ex-Auror." She wrings Ms. New Teacher's hand and also the hand of the man now standing beside her.

"This is Mr. New Teacher. They're not married."

Mr. New Teacher smiles and says "Sometimes I'm Snape."

Ms. New Teacher smiles knowingly and adds "And sometimes I'm Tonks." They high five briefly before Mary Sue leaves them.

Mary Sue now looks menacing as she approaches a girl who looks very similar to her, but more flawed. The new girl's hair sticks up attractively, and she has smaller breasts. What a tragedy.

"This is my twin sister, Betty Sue. We're mortal enemies." Mary's pretty face scrunches up into a glare, she snarls viciously at Betty, who returns the favor. "She's just jealous because everyone thinks she's me. They can't tell the difference, and I'm more famous. She's not as perfect as _me_."

Betty Sue scowls and retorts, "I'm better than you because I'm more real_istic_. I'm clumsy while being cute, and I am only good at a select _dozen _things, instead of everything. Also, I don't steal every boy. Just Harry. I also tend to be a self-insert."

"Shut _up _already." Mary hisses under her breath, whapping Betty upside the head. Betty trips and falls over, flashing Ron with her panties. "Oops." She says, blushing prettily. Mary just saunters away angrily, flipping her hair in Oliver Wood's face. He swoons as she leaves.

Mary then passes another black-haired child, this time a girl. She backtracks as she realizes she's missed her, and smirks a bit.

"Oops, didn't see you there, Nameless Relative of Snape." She giggles in a very fake way, and Relative grumbles.

"Shut up, you moron."

"You see, Nameless Relative of Snape doesn't talk much. She can be very reclusive. Also, she has black hair, but no hook nose. We all wonder how this happened. Also, she can be a he. Offspring, cousin, or niece/nephew." Mary keeps walking without a backward glance.

"Up ahead here is Siruis' Long Lost Love Interest. Often times she turns into a he. Sometimes even James or Lupin. We're not sure why."

A blonde girl waves a bit uneasily, and shuffles her feet. "I like being a girl best, tell you the truth." Mary nods sympathetically, putting a hand on the woman's shoulder.

"Ahah!" Mary perks up instantly and prances over to a girl who looks suspiciously like Harry, scar and all. "This is Harriet, Harry's twin sister. She's here _all _the time. She also has a scar, cool powers, and a destiny. She's like me, perfect, but she doesn't fall in love with Harry. Often with Draco or Ron, though."

The green-eyed Harriet says "I'm cursed too." And sighs melodramatically. Again, Mary nods sympathetically, however this time looks a teensy bit jealous. Shaking her head sadly, she moves on to her final relative.

"Here we go. Here is one of my favorites. Nicedraco." A blonde, attractive, and sweet looking young man approaches, walking with a spring in his step and a wide smile. (Somewhere off in the distance, J.K. Rowling rolls over in her grave. Er.. bed.)

Nicedraco waves happily. "What's up? Have you seen Ron around?" Mary shakes her head, still grinning and blushing.

"Nicedraco sometimes falls for Hermione, Ginny, Harriet or me; either before or after actually becoming nice." She explains.

Nicedraco nods sadly. "I'm afraid I've been a bit of a butthead." Mary sooths him by stroking his bicep. "You're daddy's mean to you. You don't get enough love." He pouts.

As she strides past the greenhouses, she comes to a milling pack of people who actually look sane.

"These are the _good _OCs.' She frowns. "We don't like them because they actually have personalities. And add to the story." She makes a face, but a Korean exchange student just waves back, and a Ravenclaw boy blows her a sarcastic kiss.

Mary leaps away as soon as she spots Harry striding away from Hagrid's cabin, looking unhappy as usual. He looks like regular Harry, not OOC Harry, although we can't be sure at this distance.

"Harry!" She squeals, latching onto his arm immediately, simpering. She pushes her voluptuous breasts into his arm, and he shies away.

"Er- Hi Mary Sue. Um.. how're you doing in your –er- defense class?" He looks awkward, glancing around for possible exits.

"Just fine since _you_'ve been teaching me to lead the DA." She breathes. He quietly and firmly detaches her from his arm and points her towards Out-Of-Character Harry. "I think you're looking for him."

Mary blinks. "Oh yeah." She then flings herself dramatically to the floor. "Harry, _help! _I'm being kidnapped!" She shrieks fearfully and starts being dragged away by.. a random Death Eater that magically appeared. Because, you know, you can Apparate on Hogwarts grounds.

"We need to kidnap you to… lure Harry. Away. So Voldemort can kill him." He nods smugly behind his hood. "It's such an _original _plotline."

"Hold on, Mary!" Out-Of-Character Harry yells, whipping out his wand. Regular Harry raises an eyebrow, shrugs, and keeps walking.

Seconds later, Mary Sue is back, and in Out-Of-Character Harry's arms.

"Oh, Harry!" She wails. Regular Harry shudders a bit as he is talking to Ron, and Regular Hermione sends a peevish look over to them.

"Will you quit it?! I'm trying to study."

At that moment, Out-Of-Character Hermione dashes by with Nicedraco tucked under her arm, cackling maniacally, but that's a story for another day.

A/N:

I love OCs, when they're done well. Often times I'll find myself loving someone's "Siruis' Cousin" or "Draco's little sister" or perhaps a German exchange student. When they actually have personalities and add to the plot, I love OCs. Mary Sues and other forms of generic, unoriginal OCs, however, are the spawn of Satan. These sorts of predictable, perfect heroes and heroines aught to be banned form Fanficion.net, because they are just a pitiful excuse for the authoress to plug herself in, which is evil. That is all.


End file.
